Cope

Cope

Sometimes I feel like my life has come down to this...crawling in slow motion through mud to reach some unseen hint of satisfaction that always looms out of focus just out of reach always off in the distance....forever my mind’s antagonizer. My illness shrieks a banshee's cry. While diamonds fall from the heavens slicing open my skin, festering welts rip open exposing my weak frailty to the elements of mankind. There in the moonlight’s fading glimmer there comes a circular orb of nothingness more dark, bleak, and black than the deepest depths of utter nothingness that creeps in and fills up the basins behind my eyes. My skin turns to charcoal. A brazen attack consumes my spirit as it crackles and splints, rips, and twists, as I take a faltering bow to those wisps of smoke and creeping eyes in the murk. As laughing voices drift in and out of the nether worlds beyond my fading recognition I receive moments of reality in short tiny minuscule gaps of cohesive understanding whilst I bathe in trembling dismay. This my friends is how I see my world on a day to day basis when I am gripped by the sickness that was wrought by my deformed brain. People look at me…but it is so hard to return their gazes as I nod feigning comprehension and throw out monosyllabic expressions of agreement, while all along they have no idea that I am bearing witness to a whole other dimension that they are completely unaware of. There are small writhing black tentacle creatures in the corners of my peripheral vision. Friends, family, and colleagues stare at me talking; lips moving, eyes zipping, heads tilting side to side, hands gesturing, but...their faces are contorting into maniacal grimacing expressions of evil incarnate to reveal madness within. I look completely calm and at ease…even smiling while they go on completely oblivious and ignorant of what I am witnessing. A nod here, a nervous laugh there…try to focus my eyes on their eyes, but Oh God don’t stare…try to make it seem natural. Just do your best to ignore the fact that the whole world around you is crumbling into absolute chaos….and deal with it! COPE! Try to remember that tomorrow is just another day and this too shall soon pass…  

Copyright Adam Gaile 2012