Pain

Pain

I have cheated and have been cheated on

I have lied and been lied to

I have seen the quarrels in my own mind

Between friends I no longer talk to

I have wept and caused others pain

I have lusted and been denied satisfaction

I had left my life, I was insane

Resigned to groans of pity and self repulsion

I have been stricken in the face

By a man of another race

And I held tightly onto my pain

Stood upright, fists raised against the rain

Mistrust festered inside until a dark skin child opened my eyes

I have spoken to men on television screens

Crested upon waves in a boat down dark highways

High on dopamine...nature’s untold gateway

Screamed like a banshee into my mother’s face

Lost in a past I wish to erase

I was insane

My body grew bloated with a gluttonous disease

Sought out friends only to find enemies

Betrayed, I walked away, it took pain for me to say

I am not afraid,

Of your words anymore…you see

I have become the enemy

I have raged into blind fury

Sunken into depths of despair

Fell into a black hole so dark and deep

A dark-skinned child’s eyes were all I could see

I got better by an oath made upon God's mercy seat

I felt love for the first time

And it was such a sudden welcomed surprise

She was turned-on when I saw her dilated eyes

And felt the soft caress of her fingertips through my hair

She was my drug, and like all drugs her parting came with a kick

The withdrawals lasted longer than quitting any pill I took when I was sick

I have felt accomplishment for the journey I've made

Stepped up and accepted the pain…in my own little way

I felt my past slipping away

There’s an undertow under these dark waters…

Pulling me away from the boat’s wake

Into the hands of nurses and doctors I felt depraved

Please understand the root of it all my friends

If there was a simple end to this I would have it end

This battle is ongoing

I refuse to settle for a life wreathed in misery

A life of petty mediocrities, democracies, establishments, hypocrisies…

…pseudo ephedrine driven insanity…

…mortar between the bricks that connect the endless seems…

The future is so bright in front of me…

…Newscasters casting demons from TV screens…

Deterioration in the form of bottles and dirty porn magazines.

Is there anything left in this whole world than to scream?                

I am free!?

Am I free?

This is not what I thought my life would be...

So please mister cacophony leave me be!

I have a dark-skinned child who looks up to me…

The pain will strengthen me, and her love…

Her love will save me                  

From the pain of a life more than ordinary…

The pain of yesterday's story is now unto his glory

Copyright Adam Gaile 2012