Squirt

Squirt

I just need somebody to lick my head at night
I need somebody who will drape their legs over mine
Until my legs go numb, but I don’t care
I just need somebody to lick my feet at night
I need somebody to squeeze the breath out of me
When I am shaking and trembling from grief
As tears drizzle down like rain drops dripping 
From roof gutters down my red cheeks
Snot dribbling down my lip…as I scream into mom’s soft shoulder
Why?! Why?! 
Why did he have to die…
I buried my best friend in a shallow grassy grave
In the front yard of my parent’s house
He was my heart and I often told him so
He was my shadow on dirty kitchen tiles on shoeless nights
He was just a tiny little thing that drew all eyes 
Walking down the street the utterly animated magnificent 
Wondrous face that could hide no evil or cruelty
Smashed and bloodied by some strange wheel
Smashed and dilapidated head caved inward, frozen stiff
On a cold Thanksgiving afternoon…I carried my heart
I stared death in the face and gently petted away
The sanity that I had so carefully stitched together over the last 7 years
I carried my heart and buried it in the cold November ground
I spoke the last words ever uttered to a dead friend
It’s okay boy…I’ll see you again soon
Holding on to childhood Sunday school lessons
A carcass frozen by the elements, and I am in Agony
Agony as dysmorphic reality splinters and shifts
Shattering my sanity as my tears drip into his grave
And now all I want and everything I crave…is to hold him
To feel him licking my feet as I type these words of sorrow
To feel his tongue forming cowlicks in my hair as I munch trail-mix
Watching cartoons in my cozy recliner…in our home
Our place where I never was alone…
Never was a single 30 year old white male absent of a family of his own
We were family, and my heart never skipped a beat until that day
A day I should have been thankful for…
But I only wish to erase it from the forefront of my mind
And replace that which is empty
My heart….
With another soul as brilliant and vigorous as his
A million hugs would never replace his warmth at my feet
My dear pet…you were the best.
Behind heaven’s door you wait for me. 


Copyright Adam Gaile 2013